January 5, 2012
Feedback to Move Forward by Sheryl Eberly
Our family is gathered around the holiday table, college kids enjoying home-cooked goodness. The mood is light. I decide to toss out a question: Hey kids, what should my New Year’s resolutions be this year?
This is a different approach for me. Typically I come up with my own resolutions, starting the process by reflecting on the year gone by, thinking about what hasn’t worked as I’d hoped, tugging at my waistband to check for snugness, imagining an accomplishment that would bring a sense of pride. Next I write down my ideas and tuck away the list for later reference and accountability. Usually it’s a solitary process, at least in the formation stage. I don’t really know why this time I leap to place my planning for the year ahead in the hands of others.
But the kids are already prepared for my question. They don’t waste a minute in coming up with resolutions. You could relax a little bit, one asserts. Be less intense. Find better ways to handle the stresses of life.
Forget about trying to do things perfectly, one chimes in.
Not one suggests that I need to accomplish more or lose a couple of pounds. They don’t even take thirty seconds to decide what they want to tell me. I’m amazed, and tentatively grateful for the advice. I begin to see things differently. And I wonder what took me so long to ask for feedback.
Several years pass, and I reflect on the value of asking others for feedback.
Feedback is essential to growth – especially for personal growth and effectiveness with people. In feedback, leaders have a powerful tool to increase their self awareness and put a finger on what is really important to work on.
Conventional paths to growth – seminars and books, certifications and skills training – may add to a leader’s expertise, but they rarely add to the leader’s true effectiveness with people. Relating well to others – emotional intelligence is a term that is often used – requires a different kind of training. In fact, it may not require training at all; it requires awareness – self-awareness and social awareness. That’s where feedback comes in. It’s where co-workers and peers and friends assist with the training.
When is the last time you asked someone you work with: How am I doing these days? How do you experience me? What might I do to be a better manager? How can I improve as a leader?
As I discovered at the dinner table several years ago, asking for feedback, though it may feel risky, is illuminating and worthwhile. You might just get a new perspective on how other people see you – and it may be different from how you see yourself.
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Great post. Just remember if you’re asking for a self critique from those you trust, you have to be secure enough to value the words – even when they are not what you had hoped to hear.