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We all know the fundamentals of strong, healthy relationships, don’t we? Asking good questions, listening well, investing in transparency and trust, there is really no mystery. So why do we get so easily sidetracked by our own personal history, baggage and perspectives?

I was recently part of a group discussion that revealed a clear lack of transparency, trust and cohesiveness. Something was hindering our ability to progress and move forward. There seemed to be a relational roadblock. Upon further evaluation, I realized that my history with this group – both personal friendships and past life experiences with individuals in the group – had created barriers in our present relationship. The influence of those past experiences had created a roadblock, causing me to put my own interests and preferences above what was best for the group.

These barriers were hindering my ability to lean in and speak truth. As a next step, I committed to addressing these barriers in our next meeting to clear the air and reinforce a solid basis for future conversations.

We each have life experiences that can hinder us in our desire and ability to serve others. What relational roadblocks are you bringing into your relationships and conversations? How will you address them so your relationships can mature to a greater level?

A number of years ago I was frustrated with a particular part of my job. I was not achieving the goals that I had set for myself and I was getting discouraged.

Did I set goals that were unrealistic? Was I using the wrong measuring stick to gauge my results? To help me think through these questions and evaluate the results I was seeking, I reached out to one of my mentors. He helped me understand that I indeed was using incorrect measurements for my success.  His outside perspective and good questions were very beneficial to me as they helped me observe my situation.

This redirection gave me renewed energy and passion and helped me set proper goals to measure future success.  To remind me of this change, I purchased a custom-framed photo for my office that holds personal significance.  This image helps me stay focused on my new direction.

Is there an area in your life where you need to redirect your focus, such as in your career, health, relationships, education, spiritual life, or free time?

Do you have a mentor, coach or friend whose questions could help you refocus?

 

Recently our daughter shared a sketch she created on social media. It included the words, “Don’t throw your anchor inside your own boat.” Seeing her sketch caused me to think about a recent conversation I had with a friend.

As we met for coffee my friend shared that his “bucket” was almost empty; he was emotionally depleted. I encouraged him to be transparent with his spouse and closest friends. Those individuals who know him best can help him the best. He needed to allow these friends to be his “anchor” through this challenging season. I believe their ability to bring hope and support in a difficult time is crucial for his survival, as an anchor is for a ship in the middle of a powerful storm.

One of the definitions for “anchor” at Dictionary.com states “a person or thing that can be relied on for support, stability, or security; mainstay.”

It takes trust and vulnerability to reach out to others for help. My personal goal is to build a circle of influencers around me who will ask me good questions to keep me anchored to the truth, and who will challenge me to change and grow.

When the going gets tough, are you tempted to throw the anchor in your own boat, or do you have friends you can turn to, to provide the support and stability you need? Are they capable of asking the hard questions that will help lead you to self-awareness and growth?

Some weeks ago, I met with a friend who lost his young adult son to cancer. In reflecting on his son’s passing and memorial services, the friend shared how important it was at that time for his friends just to be present, express their care, and hold memories of the loved one together with the family. Those that cared most, he felt, cared with their quiet presence and not with many words.

More recently, I attended a memorial service for a young woman who had died suddenly and unexpectedly. She was part of a large, loving family, and her service was attended by hundreds who were there to support the family and remember the significant impact of her young life.

One of the woman’s cousins stood up to speak about her with poignant words. But while he spoke, his emotions and grief began to overcome him. As he paused, another male cousin stepped forward and placed his hand on his shoulder. There were no words, just his presence, solidarity and love. He had the wisdom to know this was no time for speaking; he just needed to be present. His reassuring touch was what was needed at that moment. After a few seconds, the cousin was able to compose himself and continue to share his words of remembrance and love for the young woman.

There are times, as well, when we as leaders are called just to be present with our partners, colleagues, family and friends. Sometimes being a servant leader is just that – being present – and no more.

July 21, 2014

Tapping Into Your Team’s Strengths by Roger Garber

Just over two years ago, I left the family business that I’d been involved in for 30 years.  It was a privilege to partner with my father, brother and nephew in business.  As a large, closely-knit family, we worked together and played together.

However, I began to feel called to make an occupational transition. While I loved my job and co-workers, my wife and I believed it was time to take a step of faith, to experience some risk as we separated from a company that had provided us with much security, and to travel a path to something more. I knew I’d miss the working relationships.

I also knew there would be opportunities where I could more fully use my gifts.

The use of gifts is a key to workplace success and general fulfillment in life. As I looked at the many opportunities presented to me….starting, buying or joining a business…I began to focus on my passion, competency, and aptitude. In a word, strengths. I began to think about what I had in my hands.

Organizations need to do the same. Growth or diversification may not be healthy if it’s in an area where the business has limited knowledge, skill or passion. When team members work in positions that best use their strengths, they benefit and the organization benefits.

Developing awareness of those strengths requires intentionality on the part of the leader and the employee. It may take reflection; it may require personal assessment. It requires the leader to know the gifts of the employee and to encourage the employee to notice and build on their personal strengths. Often this is a new task. Peter Drucker says, “Most Americans do not know what their strengths are. When you ask them, they look at you with a blank stare, or they respond in terms of subject knowledge, which is the wrong answer.”

What’s in the hands of your organization and team members?  When you figure this out and tap into it every day, your team will be more loyal, your business more productive, and your customers will notice the difference.