March 5, 2013

Mirror, Mirror… by Roger North

Have you ever thought about how many times you look into a mirror in the course of the day? Mirrors seem to be everywhere. When did we decide that every sink should be accompanied by a mirror?

Unfortunately, looking into a mirror is not always encouraging for those of us who have reached a certain age. Just the other day I was washing my hands, looking into the unavoidable mirror and I noticed…okay, let’s not go there.

Another thing about mirrors. They don’t all reflect images in the same way. Some mirrors actually make you look a little bit better than others. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s the way the glass is tinted or something.

Anyway, I often think about how valuable it would be if I looked into a mirror that reflected my intentions and behaviors as often as I look into a mirror that reflects my physical appearance. After all, it is our behaviors toward others that leave a lasting influence.

For those of us in leadership positions, some kind of consistent reflection of our intentions and behaviors toward others is essential. Without self reflection and the honest feedback of others, how will we adjust?

The other day I was sitting at the head of the table in a meeting. As someone else was talking, the guy next to me leaned over and quietly said “you have a fuzzy thing under your nose”. Of course, I didn’t want to have a fuzzy thing under my nose. So I quickly got rid of it. The quiet word of this friend saved me a minor amount of embarrassment. He did me a kind favor and I appreciated it.

At this stage of life, my physical appearance should be the least of my concerns. My intentions and behaviors toward others? Now that’s something I ought to be concerned about. Who is there in my life that gives me honest and transparent feedback? Do I attract or repel this kind of feedback? Am I willing to receive the hard truth about my behavior toward others so that I can become a more positive influence, a better leader?

I have a close friend who about twice per year will look me in the eye (very intently) and say, “I have an observation. Is this a good time for you to hear it?” What comes next is a gift. I don’t get that kind of gift very often. While what he has to say often feels uncomfortable, I have grown to recognize what a great gift it is.

You see, I know that this friend truly cares about me and loves me. He wants the best for me. His intentions are pure. What he has to say is carefully observed and wisely crafted. On my best days, I receive his observations as a precious gift.

Are there people in your life that will tell you what you need to hear? The next time you wash your hands and look at your physical image in a mirror, be thankful for the precious people in your life that are willing to be honest with you. Mirror, mirror…