There’s a word that stops people cold: authority.

Presidents and prime ministers have it. So do CEOs, army colonels, and parents. Most of us don’t respond particularly well to the concept. Yet we know, at some level, that it’s necessary for an orderly society.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: authority and influence are not the same thing. And confusing the two is one of the most common, and costly, mistakes a leader can make.

Authority is granted. It comes with the title, the role, the org chart. Influence, on the other hand, is earned. It comes from the people around you, and only if they decide you deserve it.

Years ago, I served an organization that gave me what felt like a lot of authority. Maybe even too much. I found myself reluctant to use it. Not out of timidity, but because something felt off about leading primarily through positional power. That tension pushed me toward a theory I’ve held onto ever since:

Obtain as much authority as you can. Use as little of it as possible.

The goal wasn’t to be weak. It was to replace the blunt instrument of authority with something far more powerful: influence.

So how do you build influence? It begins with genuine human relationships. Most people have what I’d call a genuine meter—a mostly subconscious ability to sense if someone is truly invested in their growth and well-being. When people decide you’re the real thing, they begin to give their voluntary trust.

That’s influence. And once you have it, formal authority becomes largely unnecessary.

Authority tells people what to do. Influence makes them want to.

Both have their place. There are moments when authority must be exercised clearly, firmly, and without apology. But those moments should be the exception, not the rule.

The leaders I’ve most respected understand this intuitively. They carry their authority lightly, invest in people seriously, and lead through the influence they’ve patiently built.

Authority is necessary. Influence wins the day.